


home feels like the rippling sea

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Depression, Exile, Gen, How Do I Tag, I guess., Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, ghost...innit?, no beta we die like tommy's deteriorating mental health, spoilers for recent events :D, surprise they are there now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27932380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: if he's gonna plan on dying, might as well do happy things, right?(please, read the tags)
Relationships: p l a t o n i c .
Comments: 33
Kudos: 696
Collections: Anonymous





	1. the water sings for you

**Author's Note:**

> TW!! SUICIDE, ABANDONMENT (IDK IF THIS IS A TRIGGER BUT I WANNA BE SAFE), DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS! IF THERE ARE TRIGGERS/TAGS THAT IVE MISSED (OR SHOULDNT BE THERE AT ALL), PLEASE TELL ME!
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE HEED THE TAGS, DONT READ THIS IF THE TAGS ABOVE TRIGGERS YOU. BE SAFE!
> 
> and and and and this is so terribly written lemme tell you and everyone seems like ooc im so sorry

tommy stares at the portal in front of him.

it's a beautiful, swirling hues of purple. his eyes are hypnotized by the sight of it and it tempts him to go through it, _go see the land you were once in, go see the people you're familiar with._

dream, sapnap and ghostbur watches him, in the looks of smugness, pity, and concern. dream urges him to go inside the portal, but if tommy does, he would get killed by _his_ hands. he doesn't want his last life to waste by dream.

but, _but._ he wants to go there, _so badly._

he gets mocked by them— _ghostbur joined with them and it hurts_ and he doesn't want to be with them anymore. they go through the portal, leaving him alone in the nether.

("please, dream. can i go see the christmas tree?")

("no.")

slowly, he walks on the edge to look down on the lava underneath him. the lava pops and hisses and the striders are happily walking in it. and tommy wonders, if he jumps down there, would he be as happy as the striders there?

he was grabbed by the back of his t-shirt away from the edge. he couldn't register who it was, but the sight of the lava was alluring than the swirling hues of purple. he was grabbed again, and he looks up to see who it was. dream.

"it's not your time to die." dream said, a hint of smugness and a cruel smirk plastered behind the porcelain mask.

tommy mumbles, "it's never my time to die."

and he walks back to his _prison_ , silently.

* * *

"tommy!" tommy's head snaps to the direction where the voice came from. the ghost of his brother floats in front of him. ghostbur has a picture with him, and he extends the picture to tommy, "i got a picture of the christmas tree for you!"

he takes it, and longily stares at it. it's a piece of a place he wasn't allowed to step in anymore. tommy gives ghostbur a weak smile. "thank you, big g."

ghostbur's face lit up in joy. "you're welcome, tommy!" and sat next to him. they look at the picture together. it felt nice.

then, ghostbur stands—? floats up. "i forgot! i have to help in l'manburg! i gotta go, tommy." and tommy's going to be _alone again—_

"don't go!" tommy tried to grab the sleeve of the ghost of his brother, but it only grabs nothing. ghostbur turns his head to him. _"don't leave me."_ he pleads.

"i will come back, i promise." ghostbur weakly said, and tommy is all alone again inside the tent. _he's alone he's alone he'salonealonealone—_

_he doesn't want to be alone._

so he stares at the picture ghostbur gave to him, and he imagined that he was there, laughing together with the people he thought he loved.

when ghostbur came back, he sees tommy staring at the picture.

his eyes are dull in colors.

* * *

tommy couldn't help, but _think._

think of l'manburg, think of the election, think of pogtopia and wilbur's insanity, think of the festival and techno killing tubbo, think of the time they overthrow schlatt, think of technoblade's _theseus_ _speech_ , think of his father killing wilbur, _no—_ _think of tubbo's laugh and the buzz of bees, think of cat and mellohi._

he wonders, _where is dad?_ _does he know that his youngest son is exiled and is alone with a company of what once wilbur was?_ tommy guesses that he's with technoblade, and he couldn't help but cry.

he wonders what it's like to die. he could ask ghostbur about it, but... that would bring red flags on ghostbur. tommy doesn't want anyone to know.

he doesn't really belong here, does it? he's always disposed, and they always think of him as _the annoying gremlin person_ if not _was the vice president that always cause problems_ _everywhere and nowhere._

and now, he's here in an island away from _his friends, his loved ones, his l'manburg—_

they stole l'manburg away from him. ~~but is it his l'manburg?~~

but tommy's too tired to take it back. he wants to rest, to grasp away from _dream_ and sleep _forever._

darkness calls upon him, and he answers with a decision in mind.

when he wakes up, he tries his best to make _happy_ memories with himself.

* * *

ghostbur is concerned for his brother.

after the exile, his brother looked _grim, sad._ he tries his best to cheer him up, of course! they built their _vacation tent_ together, and made a small wall of logs and even named it _logstedshire._

ghostbur tries his best to be with the blonde as much as he can, he even gave him a picture of the christmas tree from l'manburg! but it didn't help much, judging from the low expression tommy after that.

and then, one day, he's greeted with a loud, _way too happy_ tommyinnit. it's so sudden, for the happiness to come out of nowhere and ghostbur thinks of all things that he did that could possibly cheered tommy up. maybe it was the picture?

"hey ghostbur, let's go make our own christmas tree! i want bigger than the one in l'manburg!" tommy calls out to him.

_yeah, it's the picture._ he's supposed to be happy, that he'd finally cheered tommy up. but why is he feeling the opposite?

"sure, tommy! let's go find a tree together!"

* * *

it took many days to find and get a perfect tree, and it's now decorated with lights and other christmas things. tommy and ghostbur helped together to decorate and make presents under the tree.

they've also made the place around them look as lively as the christmas tree.

it's beautiful.

then, dream arrives and tommy gave him a scowl and a cold shoulder. he ignores the taunts and mocks and tells him to leave. he did, after he set fire on the tree.

tommy watches emotionlessly as the tree and its decorations burned. the presents are burnt too, though ghostbur managed to save few.

"welp. it's okay! atleast i got to see a christmas tree similar to l'manburg's, right!" he says happily and _it's okay! i still have things to do!_

he chooses to ignore the look ghostbur gave him.

* * *

tommy has a list of things he has and wants to do.

he already did the christmas tree, which, ended up being burned. but it's done nonetheless. what matters is that he had done it.

_(check.)_

he plans to get a cow and name it hilario, but what would happen to the cow _while_ he's gone? it would die alone with no one to take care of it. he decides not to get a pet.

_(cross-out.)_

building a tower seems cool too. it's built with cobblestone in the middle of the forest.

_(check.)_

another, was to build a _v_ _acation house_ , as ghostbur dubbed what they are in right now. because if he were to stay in this land, might as well make a beautiful house.

tommy wasn't a builder. so ghostbur had to design the house, and both of them built the house together. and to say, they are proud of the house. just hope dream wouldn't destroy it when he comes here.

the room is decorated and organized nicely. it's fit for someone like tommy. it's nice, cozy with a window that views the sea. he decorated the room himself, while ghostbur decorated the rest of the house.

it's nice.

too bad, he's not going to stay here any longer.

_(check.)_

_(check.)_

_(cross-out.)_

_(check.)_

_(check.)_

_..._

one more thing to do.

* * *

"happy new year, tommy!" 

"happy new year, big g!" tommy gives a _genuine, big smile._ "how's everyone doin'?" he asks.

"they're doing great!" ghostbur answers, "they've set up fireworks and stuff! fundy plans to get a big firework explosion up in the sky!" he looked proud when he mentions the name of his son. 

"i wish you could get to see it too." he suddenly looks sad.

tommy _tries to cheer him up,_ "why don't you see it for me, big man?" he laughs softly. "take a picture for me to see, will ya?"

the ghost lit up in excitement, like a child being able to play with other children after hundreds of begging. "sure, tommy!" and away he goes.

_tommy is alone again._

and the plan goes in motion.

he slips a small paper to his desk, and he looked at the paper one more time to check if the coordinates he wrote is correct.

never looking back, he runs out of the house, and to the shore. the cold breeze and the sound of the rippling water didn't calm his rapidly beating heart. the night looked lively with the stars twinkling tonight.

the silent sea is more alluring than the swirling purple of the portal and the popping lava. it calls for him.

he approached closer to the water, the weak wave of the freezing water hitting his feet. he stares, and wonders if who's gonna find his dead body.

and he steps deeper into the blue until it reaches half of his body. he looked at the stars once more.

tommy takes a deep breath.

and the sea welcomes him in open arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how ao3 works


	2. his heart is stuck in venice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "t-tommy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH GOD IM SCREAMING IM S H O O K WHY DID YOU ALL LIKE THIS THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS AND HITS
> 
> ANYWAY YOU GUYS REQUESTED PART TWO, SO HERE YOU GO, I DONT KNOW HOW I WENT WITH THIS ONE, BECAUSE IM REALLY BAD AT WRITING CHARACTERS AND I HAVE SMALL VOCABULARY AND THE INFORMATION I HAVE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ACCURATE I KNOW THIS IS TERRIBLE MORE TERRIBLE THAN THE FIRST CHAPTER
> 
> oh, did i forgot to tell you that this is my first fic
> 
> anyways, uhh... enjoy.

31st of December, 2020.

tubbo couldn't stop worrying for tommy.

of course, why shouldn't he be? he exiled his best friend and now he's out there living with a ghost very far away.

he's worried. did he made a right decision to exile him? tommy did burn george's house after all, and dream wanted him out of the land.

or is it wrong? he felt so bad doing it, but it had to be done. ~~yet it feels so so wrong.~~

as much as he wants to visit his best friend, he couldn't leave l'manburg behind. he's the president now, and he's busy doing paperworks and such.

tubbo misses tommy a lot. he wished that his best friend is here, so they could celebrate new year's eve together, even christmas. he decides, he'll visit tommy tomorrow.

then, their communicators buzzed. 

tubbo grabbed his communicator from his pocket to check what it was. the others do the same.

they all see a death message for someone they all know too well, and they have different, yet similar reactions.

niki let out a loud, piercing scream and it held so much pain— puffy held her friend as she cried. bad gasped in disbelief. quackity, ranboo, sapnap and george are silent. dream and ghostbur are nowhere in sight. probably going back to the isolated island.

tubbo's hand trembled too much that the communicator fell from his hand, and he weakly fell on his knees, staring at the message on the communicator on the ground. tears fell down from his eyes. fundy knelt next to him,his paws in tubbo's shoulders in attempt for comfort.

he couldn't believe it. nonono. tommy is not dead. _tommy is not dead._

_everything suddenly gets so cold. colder than the winter._

"it's- it's not r-real… right?" tubbo choked between sobs and he looks at fundy for _anything please say that message is a fucking prank_ — and the fox gave no answer to that question.

their communicators buzzed once more.

_< dream> we found him floating in the ocean._

he screamed.

* * *

the sky looked dim, and the funeral was quiet.

they held the funeral inside of l'manburg, in a free spot, which is located near the ocean. no words were said, and the silence felt so deafening.

then, phil and techno arrived minutes later. they looked horrible, especially phil with bags under his eyes worse than techno's.

ghostbur greeted them with a sad expression, "hi." and gives them their respective letters from their youngest dead brother.

his dad broke down into tears as he reads the letter for him, and techno comforting him, after reading his. ghostbur swore that he saw glossiness in techno's red eyes.he others watched the new arrivals silently, only a few had tears rolling down on their faces.

phil demanded where dream was, and as if being summoned like a demon, dream walks in looking at them with that cursed mask.

and they could only watch as the father and the eldest brother screamed at dream— the man who caused everything that happened.

ghostbur has never seen them this furious before. 

dream lost a life that day.

* * *

ghostbur found a chest hidden behind a tree near the cobblestone tower.

silently floating closer, he wonders what tommy stored inside the chest. a piece of paper is pinned on top of the chest. it read:

_to whoever find this,_

_if you're somebody i don't know, then go fuck off. this is not meant for you. if you're someone i know, if you found this, then i'm probably dead._

_i'm very sorry that it has to happen this way. but i can't take it anymore. i couldn't sleep at night thinking so much things._

_i wasn't planning on using letters, y'know, too professional and shit. but i can't bring myself to check my communicator let alone type on it._

_so, give them the letters for me, and i hope they don't blame themselves._

_tommy_

he opens it, and he's greeted with tons of envelopes that has names. he checks the writing, and the writing style differ from elegant to chicken writing.

some envelopes have tears stained in them. ghostbur finds the envelope for him.

his hands trembled as he opens the envelope and reads the letter.

_hey, ~~wilbur~~_ _big g,_

_i've thought about it a lot, ~~wilbur~~ ghostbur, ~~i wanted to ask you what dying feels like~~ this place isn't meant for me, i guess you've seen that. ~~or if you didn't, well you've seen it now.~~_

_thank you, for coming with me. i appreciate your presence even if i didn't look like it. you were always with me in my lowest during this exile._

_i've already said sorry to tubbo in his letter, but, could you say sorry for me again? for good measure. make sure tubbo takes my ~~fucking~~ apology._

_don't forget dad and techno too. double the apology for good good measure. i'm very, very sorry that i did what i had to do. don't make them blame themselves too. ~~if they still blame themselves i will go down there and stab them until they accept my apology~~_

_anyway, i don't want to make this longer. make sure everyone's happy, alright? spread your jolly presence on them like what you did for me._

_happy new year. i love you, brother._

_~~your brother,~~ ~~goodbye~~ ~~see you later~~ farewell,_

_tommyinnit_

* * *

"tubbo?" phil calls as he knock on the door, a tray of food in his other hand.

_"go away."_ a hoarse voice replied from the other side.

phil pauses for a moment. "you've locked yourself there for days, tubbo. you need to come out and eat atleast something."

_"i said go away! leave me alone!"_ the voice rises, and phil could only sigh softly.

slowly, he puts the tray of food in the ground in front of the locked door. "i'll leave the food here. i'll be here if you need me."

he gets no response.

* * *

ranboo arrives at an isolated island.

he wanted to see for himself, alone. he wanted to see how and what tommy's life was like here.

he sees a fallen, burnt christmas tree— he know it's a christmas tree, and ashes around it. it smelled like fire and something else.

the wooden house makes ranboo's gut twisted and clenched in every way. he wanted to go inside there, but it would be intruding, especially since someone who once stayed there already died.

the half-enderman looked around. at a certain distance, there's a village nearby. and at a farther distance, there stands a tall tower made of cobblestone in the forest.

he decides to see the shore.

then he sees someone, standing near the faint waves of the blue. that someone looks so grey, or is it light blue?

quickly, he runs towards that person. ranboo could see the person better as he go closer.

he stops.

he stops, when he sees that the person standing right there looks transparent, wears that familiar red— it's a bit saturated, maybe because he's transparent— t-shirt— it's ripped, and that messy darker color of that hair. his hair is floating as if he's underwater. he seems wet— the water is dripping from him, but nothing drops on the sand.

his heterochromatic eyes widened. it couldn't be…

"t-tommy?"

and that person turned around. his eyes— no, his face looks so empty. it feels so unfamiliar. there are tear marks on his face.

"ran...boo?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actually im not revealing myself im too coward jokes on you haha

**Author's Note:**

> i ignored my schoolwork for this please give me clout


End file.
